- Nurse: Doctor, why did the diabetic patient become a gardener?
Doctor: I'm not sure, Nurse. Why?
Nurse: They thought cultivating their own veggies would give them a whole new level of "root" control over their diet! - Yo my mama is so heavy when she took her pants to the dry cleaners they said “Sorry mam, we don’t do curtains”
- Where do pencils spend their vacations?
Pencil-vania! - "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. And ends with 'Let's take a cab" 🗺️"
- Why was the golfer teased in school?
Because it used to have a hole-in-one of his pants! - Why did the tech-first smartphone visit a therapist?
It couldn't quit making comparisons to other "smart" devices! - My uncle's dogs are Timex and Rolex, and they are the barkkeepers of timely humor!
- Life is a roller coaster, and siblings are the ride-or-die passengers. 🎢👫
- In a lift, a man and a lady cross paths. The man says, "Where are you going today?"
"I'm heading down to donate blood for good"
How much money do you receive for donating blood?
"About $20."
Wow, the man remarks, "The sperm bank will pay $100 for my sperm donation." The woman exits the lift furiously.
The two individuals meet again in the lift the following day.
"Nice to see you again. Where are you going today?
She utters, "Sperm bank," with her mouth full. - I slipped on my banana peel,
Fell flat right on my backside for real,
Turns out walked under that ladder,
Now bad luck just keeps getting badder. - Good friendship is all about community. It is so strong that no fist ever knows who has made whom average.
- Jack: "Hey, ever wonder how Santa delivers presents during a thunderstorm?"
Emily: "No clue, how?"
Jack: "His sleigh is flown by raindeer!" - My wife wanted me to take her on a date to the cinema, but I accidentally took her to the gym. Now we're working on our relationship.
- Why did the solution blush?
Because it saw the titration flask and knew things were about to get heated! 🔥🧪 - "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Or just float like a sleepy panda.🥊"
- Wife: Why would a refrigerator enroll in yoga class?
Husband: Well, to master the art of "chillaxing" and become a true Zen appliance! - Husband: Honey, can I ask you a question?
Wife: Uh-huh
Husband: Tomato is a fruit, right?
Wife: Yes!
Husband: Then why ketchup is ketchup and not smoothie? - Dad: Think about it, pumpkin. This toy gun will just gather dust after a while.
Daughter: So does your collection of dad jokes, but you still keep those around. - Every dog has its day, unless it's a real lazy stray.
- Mom: No, we're not getting a new video game today.
Son: But Mom, video games are educational! I'm learning how to dodge asteroids.
Mom: Well, then I'm learning how to dodge your attempts at negotiation. - My husband asked if I could make him a sandwich. So, I handed him two slices of bread and said, "Voila, you're surrounded by a sandwich!"
- Show More Jokes