- At a family breakfast the following conversation takes place between a dad and his 7 year old son.
Jamie: Daddy what are those big round things on mummies chest?”
Albert: They’re balloons son. When mummy dies we can blow them up and she’ll float to heaven.”
Jamie: Really? Because Uncle Frank was blowing them up yesterday but she didn’t float anywhere! - What is favourite Punjabi hobby?
Starting the day with a heavy breakfast, taking a good snack at 11, super rich lunch at 1.30, solid evening snacks at 4, emptying the refrigerator at 6, a lil whiskey with fritters at 8, a solid dinner at 10, and looking in front of mirror and asking what do I have for midnight snacks. - Rahul: Tomorrow's my wife's birthday.
Amit: Nice! Did you figure out the gift?
Rahul: I asked her last week, and she said, "Something with diamonds." So, I'm getting her a deck of playing cards. 🎁💎🃏 - Do you know the story behind pentagon being pentagon? It was originally going to just be a square but the contractor kept cutting corners.
Why did James Bond take his car to the mechanic?
He couldn't figure out how to "Q"uiet the engine noise during secret missions! - Traffic police issued a mandate, helmet for backseat passenger in scooter is mandatory.
Wife opened her wardrobe, and declared, “No, how I will get matching helmet colors for all my dresses!” - "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. And pretending to understand what your teacher is saying.🧠"
- "Imagination is more important than knowledge. But knowledge of you are married when eyeing other chicks is essential.🔍"
- "To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence. Plus, a bit of weed and WiFi. 📡🤷♂️"
- Why did the Mini Cooper bring an umbrella to the race?
It heard the weather was going to be 'compact' with rain! - Why is betting your house at the casino the finest thing you can do?
The house always wins. - I took a new job with higher pay,
Thought I'd finally have wealth and comfort someday,
But the boss is a jerk, the work's a grind,
And money can't buy happiness I find. - The famous musician had a thing for horticulture – he composed symphonies for his plants, and rumor has it, they grew on trees.
- Why did the computer visit a therapist?
It was filled with too many emotional "bytes" - When skydiving, ensure to keep a parachute handy otherwise your landing can be too "down to earth"
- Why was the golfer teased in school?
Because it used to have a hole-in-one of his pants! - It's always darkest before the dawn, so watch your step.
- "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Buy the shoes. Eat the cake. Propose. Get rejected 🍰"
- "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person – as long as they remember to put the toilet seat down."
- Do you know what PRIME-mates is?
Its a couple of chimpanzees sharing an amazon account - Whew, the bartender remarked, "you seem to be in a hurry."
You would be too if you had what I have."
What do you have?" the barted sympathetically asked.
Fifty cents only!"
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