- I once built a potty training robot for my science project. Guess what it said?
Pee poop pee poop. - Why is it so simple to buy drugs in a casino?
Because the casinos are run by dealers. - Some office co-workers are like clouds.
When they disappear it becomes a beautiful day at work! - Friend 1: Hey, did you watch that latest big-budget flop movie?
Friend 2: Oh yeah, the one where the hero had more expressions than the plot twists?
Friend 1: Such a disaster at the box office.
Friend 2: Just like my attempt at cooking last night. I thought I was making pasta, but it turned into an avant-garde art installation. - "The best way to predict the future is to create it. Or just binge-watch fantasy shows. 🚀🔮"
- What did the Muslim man say to his wife on their wedding day?
Which one? - What do you call a farmer who plants the snooze button?
A cultivation connoisseur of leisure! - Grand son: What's the perfume's favorite game?
Grandpa: Hide and "scent"-seek – it loves playing peek-a-boo with the senses!
- Steve: Hey, did you hear about Mike?
George: No, what's up?
Steve: He asked this guy why he sent out 500 Valentine's cards all signed "Guess who?"
George: Seriously? What's the deal?
Steve: The guy's a divorce lawyer, and he said it's his way of keeping marriages on their toes! - Son: Dad, did you hear about the smartphone that joined social media?
Father: Really? What's it up to?
Son: It's trying to make some "byte"-sized connections and hoping for a strong Wi-Fi signal of friendship! - There was a beggar who sat outside a mosque asking for alms. All the devotees avoided eye contact and he got nothing.
Then he went to a church, then a temple and gurudwara, but no one gave him anything.
Finally he sat outside a bar. Every drunkard who came out dropped something in his bowl.
In no time his bowl filled up with notes.
Seeing this the beggar said - O Lord, where do you reside and what address do you put down? - Why was the golfer teased in school?
Because it used to have a hole-in-one of his pants! - Son: Dad, why did the laptop start meditating?
Father: That's interesting, son. Why?
Son: It wanted to find inner "peace" and stop feeling so "screen"-sitive to every social media notification! - Friend 1: Answer this interesting question. Name the kind of tree you can hold in your hand?
Friend 2: I don't know
Friend 1: A palm tree! - Emma: "You know, I used to be afraid of painting."
Oliver: "Really? What changed?"
Emma: "Well, eventually I brushed it off. Now my art is making quite the splash!" 🎨 - In a lift, a man and a lady cross paths. The man says, "Where are you going today?"
"I'm heading down to donate blood for good"
How much money do you receive for donating blood?
"About $20."
Wow, the man remarks, "The sperm bank will pay $100 for my sperm donation." The woman exits the lift furiously.
The two individuals meet again in the lift the following day.
"Nice to see you again. Where are you going today?
She utters, "Sperm bank," with her mouth full. - Person: When will I get married?
Priest: I don't know son! The computers are down! - John tried to give a breathalyzer test to a lamppost, convinced it was a police officer on patrol. The lamppost didn't blow, but John sure did!
- Me: Hey Alexa, I recently lost my job."
Alexa: That's unfortunate; would you like me to give you a joke to cheer you up?
Me: Okay, go on.
Alexa: What is the distinction between a you are a large kfc combo?
Me: Idk
Alexa: "A large combo can feed an entire family." - Traffic police issued a mandate, helmet for backseat passenger in scooter is mandatory.
Wife opened her wardrobe, and declared, “No, how I will get matching helmet colors for all my dresses!” - I asked a human to make me avocado toast. They handed me a plain slice and said, "There's the avo, now it's your turn.
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