List of Jokes

Lisa woke up with a sandwich in her hand and thought, "Well, at least I didn't drunk dial the pizza delivery guy again!"
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman were having a chat about money matters. The Englishman proudly declared, "Our Pound Sterling is rock solid!" The Irishman chimed in, "Well, our Euro is putting up a good fight against your pound." The Scotsman shrugged and lamented, "Aye, all I've got in my sporran are wee bits of Pence – hardly enough to buy a dram!"
When I asked my GPS for directions to success, it said, "Make a U-turn whenever possible - you missed your exit 10 years ago."
I asked my love life for a status update, and it said, "Updating... Please wait."
"It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up. And if tea helps. ☕🥊"
My friend said “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” So, I said, "Your girlfriend and I are in a relationship."
"I am the walrus. Or at least the one who ate all the sweets. 🐋"
Binita: Harrice, what is keyboard?
Harrice: The one you type with on your computer and phone!
Binita: NO! The one with many, many keys but is unable to open any door!
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. But sometimes, taking shots just means embracing the inevitable hiccups. 🥃🎯"
What has got 2 legs and bleeds?
Half a spider!
Rahul: Tomorrow's my wife's birthday.
Amit: Nice! Did you figure out the gift?
Rahul: I asked her last week, and she said, "Something with diamonds." So, I'm getting her a deck of playing cards. 🎁💎🃏
What did the Muslim man say to his wife on their wedding day?
Which one?
My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
Boyfriend: Life is no more what it used to be?
Girlfriend: Is your wallet empty?
Boyfriend: How do you always know what’s happening to me?
I guess my friend was a history teacher. He is really stuck in the past after his breakup.
Why do some Indians have a red dot on their head? Because they are recording.
Son: Dad, why did the laptop start meditating?

Father: That's interesting, son. Why?

Son: It wanted to find inner "peace" and stop feeling so "screen"-sitive to every social media notification!
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And slow hand dryers in public restrooms. 😱🌬️"
The heart told the brain, "You think you're in charge here?" The brain replied, "Well, I control the neurons, so technically, yes!" 💓🧠
The police officer said to the drunk jaywalker, "Why did you cross the road?"

The drunk replied, "To get to the other pub, officer!"

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