- Why is it hard to find a joker?
Because you need to forgive others for not laughing at your jokes, and forget that next day would be the same. - Wear always good socks, well washed, you never know when fame touches your feet and dies of the bad odour.
- Emily: "I saw this ad: LASER HAIR REMOVAL."
Sophia: "Seriously, who'd get rid of laser hair? They'd be ruling the world!" - John tried to give a breathalyzer test to a lamppost, convinced it was a police officer on patrol. The lamppost didn't blow, but John sure did!
- Man: You’re a bit fat aren’t you.
Women: Tell me something I don’t know!
Man: You are sitting on my friend. - Oxygen and magnesium went on a date. OMG, it was so electrifying that they bonded instantly! 💥⚡
- Man to his fingers before having sex: I'm counting on you!
- Boy: You know, I heard there's a trick to catch a squirrel.
Father: Really? How do you do that?
Boy: Apparently, you go into the forest and just act nuts! - "Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Stay at a place and keep going round and round. ⏰😶"
- Why did the bunny go to the psychiatrist?
He always kept hopping and was still somehow "unhoppy" - Son: Dad, why did the laptop start meditating?
Father: That's interesting, son. Why?
Son: It wanted to find inner "peace" and stop feeling so "screen"-sitive to every social media notification! - What is more electric than electricity? An angry girlfriend.
- Alice asked Harrice, "Let's check if you are really a football lover or not."
Harrice raised his brows, "Bring it on!"
Alice asked, "A man on a flat soccer field kicked a football 30 feet away. The ball came back immediately at the same speed. No one else and no object have been involved. The ball didn’t touch anything on its way. How did the man do that?"
"Uhm..", Harrice started thinking.
"He kicked the ball up in the air", Alice laughed. - What is the distinction between a casino and a church?
When you pray at a casino, you really mean it. - Why did the bicycle go to the psychiatrist?
It had a "chain" of problems - How is the future built?
Step by step
How is the present built?
Digging the basement of the future - At a court husband wife filed for a divorce, judge asked them, "Why do you want to get divorced"
The husband replied, "We let astrology come between us."
"It tauras apart", the wife added. - Lisa: You won't believe what happened earlier today. A cop showed up at my door.
Mike: No way, really? What did they want?
Lisa: They asked for Mr. Cook, so I said that's me. Then, get this, they tell me my dog was reported for chasing someone on a bike.
Mike: (laughs) Seriously? What did you say?
Lisa: I couldn't help it, I blurted out, "That's bullshit – my dog doesn't have a bike!" I mean, come on! - Yo my mama is so heavy when she took her pants to the dry cleaners they said “Sorry mam, we don’t do curtains”
- I am done with my doctor, he called me five times this week just to tell me my astrology sign. And he wasn't even right. I am disappointed they call themselves 'professionals
- Mark: So my girlfriend told me to save a spider instead of squashing it.
Sara: Oh, what happened then?
Mark: Took him out and had some drinks. Turns out, it's aiming to be a web developer!
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