- There was a beggar who sat outside a mosque asking for alms. All the devotees avoided eye contact and he got nothing.
Then he went to a church, then a temple and gurudwara, but no one gave him anything.
Finally he sat outside a bar. Every drunkard who came out dropped something in his bowl.
In no time his bowl filled up with notes.
Seeing this the beggar said - O Lord, where do you reside and what address do you put down? - "To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence. Plus, a bit of weed and WiFi. π‘π€·ββοΈ"
- What is the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion?
Jail - Husband: "Is the chef here renowned?"
Waiter: "Well, he might not have a Michelin star, but his 'Forgotten Anniversary Surprise' dish is quite famous among husbands!" ππ¨βπ³ - Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you're looking for a club and a spade.
- I was driving by a Thai massage place with my friend...
He glanced over at the place and laughed, I asked him what was so funny and he told me
βHah, they spelt βThighβ wrongβ - Doctor: Nurse, why do you shriek when you see an injection?
Nurse: I am afraid of it.
Doctor: What will happen that day, when β¦
Nurse: When?
Doctor: Leave it, the reader has understood! - What made the sloth decide to become a stand-up comedian?
The audience had time to catch their breath between laughter since the jokes were so slow! - Every dog has its day, unless it's a real lazy stray.
- Friend: Shouldn't we head to the grocery section first?
You: Nah, let's follow my shopping strategy: shoes, makeup, clothes, and maybe some vegetables as a side dish. - The interviewer: What is marriage?
Husband: Marriage is all about compromise: I pick the restaurant, and my wife picks everything else. - Emily: "I saw this ad: LASER HAIR REMOVAL."
Sophia: "Seriously, who'd get rid of laser hair? They'd be ruling the world!" - Emma: Guess what happened last night? My boyfriend and I tried a doctor-patient role-play.
Lily: Oh, really? How did that go?
Emma: Well, it got pretty intense. We were in character for 3 hours straight.
Lily: Whoa, that's quite a session!
Emma: And get this, in our role-play, he had me waiting in the "waiting room" for 2 hours and 56 minutes before anything happened. - Frida: You won't believe what happened to the Thanksgiving pie!
Ana: What's the scoop? Did it have a breakdown?
Frida: Yup, it went to a therapist. Seems it was feeling a little "crusty" and had way too many "fillings" to handle!
Ana: Haha, sounds like it needed some serious emotional baking therapy! - Sarah: "Have you heard about those divorce cakes?"
Emily: "Oh, the cake industry is getting interesting."
Sarah: "Imagine a 'Happy Menopause' cake: 'Mmm, it's a bit dry. Why is there no jam? Have you run out of eggs?' - "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. But sometimes, taking shots just means embracing the inevitable hiccups. π₯π―"
- "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And slow hand dryers in public restrooms. π±π¬οΈ"
- What made the sloth decide to become a stand-up comedian?
The audience had time to catch their breath between laughter since the jokes were so slow! - What do you call a scientist conducting experiments with rubber chickens?
A lab quackademician! - Electrons complain: "Humans have so many issues, they're practically a quantum mess."
- Patient: "Doc, my ass hurts..."
Doctor: "where does it hurt?"
"Right around the entrance," says the patient.
Doctor: "Yeah, that's the exit. It will continue to hurt as long as you think it's an entrance."
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